“If I spent ten years in prison, I’d probably come to value the small things in life. Things like good food, a comfy bed, and a toothbrush sharpened into a shank.”

“I enjoy the small things in life. Like my penis.”

“A blanket really makes the bed. Good thing too, because I never make the bed.
”

“If I were to come back in another life, I’d like to be reincarnated as my own clone.”

“Ten years have gone by since the ten year anniversary, and I still remember it like it happened a decade ago.”

“Love is the thing that holds life together. Sort of like rind to a melon, cloth to a stuffed animal, or money to the time spent with a stripper.”

“In five years I want to go equally as far as I have come in the last five years. No, farther. Five years ago I embarked on a journey that led me to this point, so five years from now I’d like to be six years older.”