“If kids six and under eat free, then I’m an infant. Or at least infantile. Bring on the steaks.”

“I’m not going to catch any fish in the forest using a steak knife as bait. Still, I’ve got to try.”

“There are at least two sides to every issue, and I like my issues sunny side up. I also like bacon and toast on the side. Are you eating what I’m saying?”

“I don’t need a steak knife to cut my meat. That’s why karate chops were created. I’m like a butter knife, only slightly less deadly. But I’m great with bagels—and disobedient old people.”

“With six pieces of wood, I’m building a life, and my coffin.”

“I eat overcast skies for breakfast, because sunlight isn’t filling enough. As a lover, I’m a bring-my-own-umbrella kind of guy, because a soup bowl doesn’t offer enough space or protection.”

“The only time I’ll eat Italian wedding soup is if I’m wearing a tuxedo and eating with a priest.”