“If love tasted like pork, and you were allergic to Francis Bacon, could I be your Shakespeare? We could make love on a pizza and make much ado about nothing, everything, anything, something.”

“As much as I want to make love to you, I’d rather make love to your clone.”

“Rain is a nudist’s shower, and I want a bathtub the size of a lake. Then we could make love like your parents did that one time, nine months before your birth.”

“She looked like the kind of woman I could fall in love with. Trouble is, she was standing next to the kind of woman I’d like to make love to. 
”

“I make love like I make lasagna. Makes me hungry just thinking about it.”

“A brick could be used to make music. But why not use something more humane, like your armpit.
”

“You can smuggle anything into an event inside empty pizza boxes. Carrying pizza boxes transforms anyone into Moses. There can be a crowd of 20,000 people, and if you have a few pizza boxes, the crowd parts like the red sea. Hey, that guy’s got pizza. Let him pass. Make way for importance!”