“If my name were Isaac Newton, would I be a famous no name? I’d have worldwide and historical name recognition, yet I’d be anonymous.”

“If my name were Entist, I’d probably be a dentist. If my name were Dennis, I’d probably be into tennis. And if my name were Funnalingus, well, I’ll let you figure out what I’d enjoy.”

“If my name were Mememem, and I had just ran into someone who should have known my name but couldn’t recall it, I’d probably say, “I can’t believe you don’t remememember my name.”

“I’d make a good groom, if my last name were McBride.”

“If I were a lawyer, I’d only date women named Sue.”

“If my name were Mark Twain, I’d write under the pseudonym “Samuel Clemens.”

“If my name were Oscar, I’d want to be an actor and win my namesake award and take back my identity.”