“If pens doubled as bullets, I bet few writers would want to write about war.”

“If love played an instrument, I’ll bet it would be the piano. 88 keys, double infinity, and the ability to chop down trees with a sharpened mustache. 
”

“A great gift would be a cheap pen, mounted on a wooden plaque, with the accompanying label that reads, “This is the pen that was first used to write down these words. This is history. This happened. Now, go write your own history. But use another pen, because this one’s not only super glued to the wood, but it’s out of ink.”

“I could write from anywhere, including the moon, provided I had a pencil and not a pen.”

“You’ll drown in my love story, if I ever write it using a fountain pen.”

“I don’t like writers whose writing is so obvious that I can predict what he’ll write while I’m still taking in his current thoughts. Why, this means that I know what he knows, and the point of reading is to discover things and thoughts which I don’t already know or that haven’t occurred to me. The greatest amusement is surprise. Fellatio! (Bet you didn’t see that coming!)”

“My cat’s favorite chew toy is a pen. I’d wager that he is a better writer than me.”