“If silence is the admission of guilt, then she must be really guilty, because last night I asked her a question and instead of answering, she went to sleep for eight hours.”

“I want to meet the girl of my dreams, and then immediately try to sleep with her—for between six to eight hours.”

“An octopus has eight legs. You know what else has eight legs? My bed last night. Oh, I didn’t have a foursome, but I did sleep with six prosthetic legs (I have a bad back).”

“I saw her at the party last Saturday. I could tell by her body language that she wanted me. She was wearing a shirt that said, “I want you Jarod.” I left alone that night. Come Sunday morning, I found out that she went home with Jarod Wheedlebreeder. I guess the bonds of Jarod aren’t as tight as I thought.”

“I went on a date last night and things went well. If you must know, I got lucky. I found a four-leaf clover.”

“I want to go to sleep in my time machine and wake up eight hours in the future.”

“I asked myself a question, but I wouldn’t answer, because it was too personal. I wish I had a clone, so he could answer for me.”