“If somebody tells me and my wife to get a room, I always ask, How about the kitchen?”

“You can tell a lot about a person's character by how they do life's menial tasks. For example, I saw my neighbor washing dishes, and I could immediately tell that he was an adulterer by the way my wife's naked body glistened through his kitchen window.”

“All I want is somebody to ask me what happened. Then, I’ll get on with my life.”

“You will always be the answer, when somebody asks me what I'm thinking about.”

“Yeah, it's an off day when I don't get somebody telling me how edible I smell."- Bella Swan.”

“Sometimes I wonder if I've changed so much, my wife is even gonna recognize me whenever it is I get back to her, and how I'll ever be able to, tell about days like today. Ahh, Ryan. I don't know anything about Ryan, I don't care. The man means nothing to me; he's just a name. But if, you know, if going to Rem"al, and finding him so he can go home, if that earns me the right to get back to my wife, well then, then that's my mission.”