“If someone invited you to a flash mob, would you wear a bra?”

“If my nipples lactated mustard, I’d wear a bra made out of two hamburger buns.”

“I feel like someone who has a parade named in their honor, and doesn’t get invited.”

“If you don’t cover your mouth, a yawn is an invitation for a blowjob.”

“It’s not what you wear that sets you apart from your fellow man, but what you don’t wear. I don’t wear pants, for instance, and while you’re pondering that, take a moment to gaze at my penis.”

“Question for your life: If your face looked like your ass, and I’m not implying it doesn’t, would you consider invading Russia in the middle of winter wearing only shorts?”

“I’ll grab my crotch at you. It’s a greeting, like hello, only more provocative and inviting.”