“If taxis were patriotic symbols, I’d flag one down on the Fourth of July.”

“As an atheist hates Christmas, I hate the fourth of July.”

“I drew the outline of a flag blowing in the wind. I decided to leave it an outline, because that made it look like the empty symbol I hold it to be. There's no hiding behind a see-through flag.”

“I’m a patriotic pilot. I know how to fly a flag. Of course I don’t fly anything anymore, not after my boating accident.”

“I want a trophy wife, because the only thing I’ve ever won is a fourth-place ribbon in the fourth grade. I’d treat her well, and I wouldn’t let her get too dusty on the shelf.”

“Tanks are so big and expensive they should be Buy One Get One Free. If they were, I’d buy 60 of them (I’d save up my allowance money).”

“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.”