“If words were leaves, would you prefer fall or spring?”

“I prefer long-distance relationships. If we were dating, would you be offended if I asked you to stand back a few feet?”

“It’s spring now, and I was just thinking that I haven’t been in love since the fall. The fall of the Roman Empire.”

“Mr. Bass, would you say you fish a lot? Or do you prefer strumming stringed instruments?”

“If trees had love, instead of leaves, I’d gladly rake you into a pile on my lawn and fall into you.”

“Sometimes no words come as a response, only shapes spring to mind. But after you tell me you love me, I can’t very well reply, “Hexagon!”

“I think it would be funny to dye somebody’s pool red and then throw dead fish in it. And before you run out of there, you could leave a stone tablet with these words etched in: God is angry with you and has decided to go all Egypt on you.”