“If writers write, then rangers range. And I’d like to wake up every morning and be a mother, so I could eat my own clothes.”

“I made an agreement with the fish. They’d give up their lives, if I’d eat every one that died for me.”

“I wrote this piece because my mailbox was full of bills, junk mail, and lettuce, but not a single letter from Andre Breton. So I decided I’d write to him (though I did eat my first two drafts).”

“I remember in elementary school, Mother used to write my name on every single pair of my underwear. I guess she did that so none of my classmates would mistake my lunch for theirs.”

“I’d like to write a screenplay about my grandpa, and I’d like my future grandson to play the part. Talk about a mindfuck!”

“Every morning I cheer on my Cheerios, but I don’t really want them to win. Secretly I’m trying to drown them and eat them—just like I tried to do to my teammates in my tenure on my high school swim team.”

“I wish I had a crystal bowl to see into the future with. Every morning I would eat my cereal out of it while I read tomorrow's newspaper.”