“If you can be quiet, you’re more than welcome to stay in my House of Silence. Bring your own bubblegum ice cream. 
”

“I like ice cream with my cake. But in moderation, and not like five gallons with a cupcake. For that much ice cream, I’d need at least two cupcakes.”

“My love is a flower shaped like a snowflake. It won’t melt, so perhaps ice cream should be made out of it.”

“On second thought, maybe “Penis on a Stick Ice Cream Parlor” is not such a good name for a business—even an ice cream shop—but especially not a day care center catering towards the albino dwarf community.”

“My favorite salad dressing is vodka. And my favorite ice cream flavor is coffee, though I prefer it melted and hot enough to burn flesh.”

“Love doesn’t spend its time watering your plants. But it might bubblegum swank monkey mouth with you—twice.”

“Keep your wife happy by living in a slightly nicer house than your neighbor. And you can do this by living in a poorer neighborhood than you ever imagined.”