“If you can listen to or read anything, but misspelled words offend you, raise your hadn.”

“I got hit on at the bar last night, and this morning I have a black eye. Sometimes you can be so sexy that you offend, I guess.”

“You don’t offend me. At least not until I change my name. Once I change it to Asshole, then I might be offended you keep calling me Jarod.”

“I can read lips. Especially if they have words tattooed on them.”

“You can’t believe every word you read while watching TV. (Even with closed captioning turned off).”

“Don’t raise your hand to ask a question, or I’ll give you a surprise high five.”

“A brick could be used to raise your status as an upstanding citizen. Don’t get too excited, though. It’ll only raise you up about three inches.
”