“If you could smell my smile, you’d nose how bad I want to kiss you. But you can’t, and I don’t.”

“A blanket could be used in a secretive manner. What? I can’t just tell you how it could be used. What part of secretive don’t you understand?
”

“A brick could be used as a bowling ball. With how bad I bowl, a rectangle ball couldn’t possibly hurt my score, because in bowling you can’t get a lower score than zero”

“I can’t do my job, if you don’t do yours. I also can’t do my job, so can you do mine too?”

“I can’t tell you how much I love kissing ass. Especially wealthy, cellulose-stippled ass. But I’ll smile as big as a personified yellow circle and assure the hiring manager that I was born to serve. I’ll tell him that while other kids wanted to be cops or firemen when they grew up, I wanted to be Florence Nightingale.”

“I can’t believe you think that I can’t believe you don’t think that.”

“I can’t swim, because despite my love being shaped like Michael Phelps, it’s so heavy it’s like an anti flotation device. If I can barely even carry it, I can understand how it’s a burden to you and why you don’t want to keep it in your heart.”