“If you drink, you risk divulging your secrets. Here, have another glass.”

“You drink wine by the glass, and I drink wine by the trashcan. Seriously, I’ll be by the trashcan if you need me.”

“Boil your drinking water, and drink the water surrounding you in your bathtub.”

“I want my writing to be as smooth as drinking a glass of water—pool water, with piss in it.”

“You are going to lose your home, your spouse, your life, and all at once, when you die. So why not drink coffee now and remember the life you haven’t started living yet?”

“It’s not that the risk isn’t worth the reward, it’s that the reward isn’t worth as much as another reward, which also has a lesser risk.”

“It’s easier to hide your smoking habit on a foggy day. Let that be a lesson for you and your secret lover.”