“If you try a joke a second time and nobody laughs, don’t tell a different joke—tell different people.”

“I was joking about my clones to my family when my uncle Herman said, “Don’t do that. Don’t make fun of yourself and others at the same time.” And he’s right. It is confusing. Am I mocking myself, or joking at the expense of someone else?”

“Speaking of grandmas, have you heard the joke about grandparents and WWII? No? Well, if you do, be sure to tell me because I’d like to hear it too.”

“A blanket could be used to make you laugh, and a joke could be used to keep you warm inside.
”

“There’s nothing funny about war. Well, aside from this joke Orafoura told me: What did WWI say to WWII? I wish I could tell you the punch line, but the restaurant was so noisy that I didn’t hear it. But I laughed anyway, because I’ll bet it was pretty funny.”

“I don’t have to tell you, “I don’t have to tell you” before telling you something I don’t have to tell you. I also don't have to tell you I love you, but I do.”

“I don’t use coarse humor, but occasionally I’ll joke about intercourse—between midget siblings.”