“If your toaster isn’t working, stick your sword in the bread slot, and see if that doesn’t improve its behavior.”

“Even a broken mirror isn’t broken if it allows you to see who you really are—cracked down the middle in your duality.”

“Love doesn’t spend its time watering your plants. But it might bubblegum swank monkey mouth with you—twice.”

“A mine divided in two isn’t as preferential as a yours divided in two. 
”

“I may not be able to remember your name, but I remember your address and what time you leave in the mornings. Your name isn’t Rob, is it?”

“Question for your life: If your face looked like your ass, and I’m not implying it doesn’t, would you consider invading Russia in the middle of winter wearing only shorts?”

“At first, the drudgery of mastering your craft is a prison—boring, slow, and with an awareness of how much time you’ll have to put in. But somewhere along your prison sentence, you come to see the time you put into your work not as dull and meager, but as meaningful—and you realize that your prison has become your palace, your place of escape.”