“If you’re at the bar trying to pick up women, remember: bend at the knees.”

“My baby nephew is a real ladies man. He doesn't need to pick up women. They pick him up.”

“I used to spend a lot of time in lap pools. Growing up I was on a few swim teams. In Florida all there is to do is surf, swim, golf, and try to pick up single women at the retirement home.”

“I was hoping you’d leave the back door open for me, I said as he turned around to bend over and pick up his key.”

“If you’re going to hold a grudge, at least put on an oven mitt before you pick it up.”

“Whether you’re being good, or you’re up to no good, try not to look guilty.”

“I'm a year older than 365 days ago, and I'm having trouble bending my knees and my lower back is killing me. Everything reminds me of death. Especially bending over all day to steal the flowers off all the graves in the cemetery.”