“If you’re going to hold a grudge, at least put on an oven mitt before you pick it up.”

Jarod Kintz

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“I’ll put an oven mitt on before I handle anything hot—including my penis.”


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“A brick could be used like ice cream. But hold up, hold up. Let me put a bowl under it before you start licking, or else you’ll drip brick all over my blanket.
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