“I’ll insist my competitor is the greatest, so that when I beat him, I won’t be calling myself the greatest—I’ll be proving it through my actions.
”

“I’ll make fun of him, but I’ll call him Him, because if I use his name I’ll immortalize him. After all, who is he? He’s merely my clone.”

“When I turn thirty, in thirty days or so, I might be feeling old, so I’ll probably call my grandma up, because as old as I’ll feel, she’ll be feeling older. Twelve years older.
”

“I am what I am, and I don’t need to prove it—least of all to myself. And I’ll be damned if I ever answer to my clone. Who is he to question me?”

“I’ll leave my disconnected cell phone as collateral, and I’ll call you on it when I’m able to pay.”

“I’ll beat you with a ladder, so in my defense I can say, “I didn’t hit him! Look at those bruises. They are consistent with those of someone who clearly fell down some steps.”

“If I can delay your action with my inaction, then I’ll gladly do nothing for the good of the no good.”