“I’ll only blow my nose into green handkerchiefs. Why? Because all my brown hankies are reserved for wiping my ass.”

“The couch was green, so I felt comfortable wiping my boogers on it. I just wish it had been brown.”

“Don’t try blowing smoke up my ass, because you’ll find my anus blocked—by a cigar.”

“It is with great sadness that I blow my nose.”

“If I had a funny thought and a runny nose, but only had one napkin and no paper, I’d rather use that napkin to write on than blow my nose. After all, that’s what sleeves are for.”

“If I were to assign a color combination to my love for you, it would be purple and brown, because you are a royal pain in the ass.”

“Maybe one day I’ll be a real boy. Maybe then my untruthful nose won’t be longer than my truthfully aroused penis.”