“I’ll piss in a cup for you. You can run a drug test on it, or you can drink it.”

“I’ll make a soup out of sound, and I’ll call it “Decibels.” You can get a cup or a bowl, a small or a large, and they’ll both have the same volume.”

“You drink wine by the glass, and I drink wine by the trashcan. Seriously, I’ll be by the trashcan if you need me.”

“Love waits patiently. In the lobby. I’ll be with you as soon as I can.”

“My new employer made me get a drug test, so I ripped off my shirt, flexed my muscles, and said, “You suspect me of taking steroids, don’t you?”

“One cup contains Starbucks coffee, and one holds diarrhea. But which is which? Drink it, and the one that doesn’t make you vomit is the diarrhea.”

“With my last breath, I’ll exhale my love for you. I hope it’s a cold day, so you can see what you meant to me.
”