“I’ll see a cat and instinctively start petting the hair on my back.”

“If my chest grew cat hair, I wouldn’t know whether to pluck it or pet it.”

“I’ve got hair in my mouth, because I replaced my teeth with my cat. This makes it more fun to pet my gums.”

“When someone tells me they don’t read, I like to walk up to them and stroke their hair, pet it really, because you know who also doesn’t read? My cat. In essence, these people are pitiful, and no better than pets.”

“My cat stood still like a furry statue. I wanted to go pet it, but I ended up petting a painting instead. Ah, but that’s life, no?”

“Somebody needs to pet me, and I guess that somebody is me. My cat is busy sleeping.”

“I wish there were a vending machine that served cats. Not to eat, but to pet during my work break.”