“I’ll tell him this isn’t just a job to me, it’s a career, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that I’ll surely never take for granted. Will I work nights, weekends, and holidays? There’s nothing I’ve ever wanted to do more. Am I OK with making $8.50/hr and no benefits? $8.50?! That’s exactly my desired pay, and I’ll be so grateful and content with it that I’ll never, ever ask for a raise.”

“I bought you a gift. It’s something I’ve always wanted, but I’m not quite sure you’ll like it. So if you don’t want it just tell me and I’ll be happy to keep it. After all, I’m only interested in making you happy. 
”

“The best date I’ve ever been on was March 5th, 1982, the year I was born. For as long as I live, I’ll never forget that date.
”

“I like to meet people and pretend I’ll never see them again. I tend to value things more if I think it’s the last time I’ll get to enjoy it. I’ll savor every moment I believe to be the last.”

“He’ll think I’ll do it, he’ll act like I’ll do it, and so I will do it. But if he will think differently, maybe I will act differently. But I know me, I know him, he knows himself, he knows me, and he is my clone, so we will each act exactly how we think we will, and we will each act like the other, and this is why I’ll have to kill him.”

“If I ever meet Michael Phelps, I’m going to tell him that I am that Michael Phelps of random thoughts. Then I’ll challenge him to a game of pool.”

“I’ll make fun of him, but I’ll call him Him, because if I use his name I’ll immortalize him. After all, who is he? He’s merely my clone.”