“I’ll tell you about love on one condition: that you give it to me unconditionally.”

“At the hospital, I won’t be in fair condition. I’ll be in unfair condition, and I’d appreciate it if you brought me a bouncy ball like the one the nurses will have confiscated.”

“Love should be unconditional, while hair should be conditioned. Air should also be conditioned, and worn in place of hairnets.”

“If you tell me I look familiar but you just can’t place it, I’ll tell you that with two ears, two eyes, two lips, and a nose, I just must have one of those faces.”

“You just tell me when and where, and not only will I not be there, but I’ll also be late.”

“I’ll tell you what love is. Love is walking up and down Archer Road in Gainesville, Florida and feeling like Cupid. Too bad the cops took issue with me hitch hiking with a bow and arrow.”

“I’ll agree with you if you promise to argue with me. That’s what love is, right?”