“I’m 30-years-old, and I still can’t get out from under my father’s shadow. He’s really tall, so maybe I’ll just ask him to move over a few feet.”

“I’m at a point in my life where I feel like I can’t go anywhere. Maybe I’ll try to coax my cat off my lap so I can get up and move.”

“Sometimes I feel like I’m living in my father’s shadow. But then he takes a few steps, or bends down to stretch his back, and I get to enjoy the sunlight for a few moments.”

“I’m 30% in love, and if I ever rise to 70%, then I’ll be 100% in love. But I’ll still be mathematically challenged.”

“I’m in great shape. I’m 30 years old, and I feel like I’m 29.”

“Don’t try to pull the wool over my eyes. You can’t fool an old sheep like me. To prove it, I’ll tell you that I’ve been continuously voting for the same person for president for years and years, a few of them even before he died.”

“When I get to heaven, and I see a being of light, I’m going to ask him if he’s the urologist.”