“I’m 6’3”, but you would think I was Napoleon’s height because I’m slouched over with poor posture, and I have a lust for conquering Europe.”

“Sometimes I feel I’m just doing a poor impression of a person. Maybe I feel this way because I have no money.”

“I wish I could climb the corporate ladder like I could climb a tree, but I can’t, because I’m afraid of heights. And bark.”

“Leave your village, and conquer yourself before you conquer the world. That’s what I did—I left my village. And once I master myself, I’m coming to a village near you to loot and pillage.”

“Like Alexander the Great and Caesar, I’m out to conquer the world. But first I have to stop at Walmart and pick up some supplies.”

“People think I’m all gloom and doom all the time. I’m not. I also have bad days where I’m pessimistic.”

“Love is like learning to ride a midget, which I’ve never done because I’m afraid of heights.”