“I’m a combat specialist and marriage counselor.”

“I want to open a broken marriage repair shop. I’m not a counselor or psychologist, but I am a fan of the magical bonding that occurs between two people when duct tape binds them together for a long period of time in a dark basement. Refer a friend, and you get a two for one abuse session.”

“We were engaged. Not to be married, but in combat. So same thing.”

“I am Cloud “Combat” McCloud. Fear my thunder! Love my chicken tenders.”

“A blanket could be used to save your marriage. But to be honest, I’d recommend saving your marriage in a Tupperware container. That way it’ll stay fresher for longer.
”

“Marriage is the dearth of sex as we know it.”

“I’m not gentlemanly. When I’m gentle, I’m not manly, and when I’m manly, I’m not gentle.”