“I’m a fan of Meatloaf. He has a voice like it’s covered in thick gravy. There’s nothing better to make love to, with the possible exception of grandma’s casserole.”

“Meatloaf is meatloaf is not a true statement. You can have gravy on top, ketchup on top, and don’t forget you can also have love on top--however, you must understand that I would do anything, but I won’t do that.”

“There’s nothing I like better than a beautiful sunset. Except maybe a gorgeous sunrise. And a naked woman painted pink and orange floating through the sky.”

“I don’t understand people who don’t like meatloaf. Your mom doesn’t make it like Michael Aday does.”

“It’s amazing how my whole body can be covered up in bed except for one inch on my shoulders and I’ll be cold. But when I pull the blanket up all the way, all of one inch, miraculously I’m warm. One inch makes a difference, especially to a man with a two-inch penis.”

“There’s always something to talk about, even if you talk about how there is nothing to talk about. Of course, I’m talking about love.”

“Turn the fan off when I’m talking. It not only makes my words colder, but it distorts and dilutes what I’m saying.”