“I’m a one-man show. I need to start a band. You wanna join? Too bad! What about one-man band don’t you understand?”

“You can’t become a famous garage band if you never perform outside your garage. That’s why my band plays in my driveway.”

“I make music like I make love—in a group. OK, so I’m not in a band, and I sing alone in the shower.”

“A brick could be used to show how patient you are. Somewhere between one brick and a million bricks lies a home. For me, my home is one brick, and I carry it with me wherever I go, because I’m always on the move. Maybe one day, when I’m a wealthy man, I’ll get a second brick and walk around with my mansion in my hands.
”

“A brick could be used like March 5th marches in a marching band. And guess what, as the marching band director, I am the cement that holds everyone’s shoes in sync at the bottom of the Hudson River.
”

“God gave man two ears and one penis hole for a reason. I’m not sure what that reason is, but I’m sure it’s a good one.”

“I believe men belong in the garage, because that’s where the dog food is stored. And the band is kept there. Auditions start after I move the car.”