“I’m a smart cookie. Chocolate chip.”

“If I could store any character quality in a cookie jar, I’d store patience. Chocolate-chip patience cookies. And I’d eat them all at one sitting.”

“I’m so smart that I make everyone around me smarter. I do this by being dumber than everybody.
”

“I used a bag of potato chips as a sock once. Roll Tide!”

“A Kiss is a terrible name for a piece of chocolate shaped like a water droplet, because kisses are hot and would melt chocolate—even if it is wearing an astronaut suit made out of tinfoil.”

“I ate a half a cookie, but not because I wanted to. I ate it out of necessity.”

“I dance like I have a chip on my shoulder. I dance salsa.”