“I'm a year older than 365 days ago, and I'm having trouble bending my knees and my lower back is killing me. Everything reminds me of death. Especially bending over all day to steal the flowers off all the graves in the cemetery.”

“I’ve come a long way in the last year. 365 days, to be exact.”

“I was hoping you’d leave the back door open for me, I said as he turned around to bend over and pick up his key.”

“If you’re at the bar trying to pick up women, remember: bend at the knees.”

“I visited my old haunt, but somehow without all my old friends there with me, the cemetery just wasn’t the same.”

“I’d rather have a career that utilizes my creativity, but torturing people all day long is not a bad gig. At least not for me.”

“Take me to Happy Birthday Land. It’s open 364 days of the year, and the one day of the year it’s closed for cleaning happens to be my birthday. 
”