“I'm allergic to fingers, so I have to eat pizza with my feet. You should see me eat on the run.”

“I eat spaghetti with my fingers, because it reminds me of me running my fingers through her wet red hair. Ah, but that’s life, no?”

“I like cardboard. Of course, I have to be in the mood to eat Pizza Hut.”

“Pepperoni looks so much like nipples that I can’t eat pizza without getting horny.”

“If instead of having ten fingers, I had ten combs for fingers, I'd love to meet Donald Trump, just so I could run my fingers through his hair.”

“I had nothing to eat for desert, so I ate a tube of toothpaste. The coolest part was not having to brush my teeth before bed.”

“If love tasted like pork, and you were allergic to Francis Bacon, could I be your Shakespeare? We could make love on a pizza and make much ado about nothing, everything, anything, something.”