“I’m always 15 minutes early for everything. In fact, I was born 15 minutes early. That’s why my love is always a bit premature. But don’t worry; just give our relationship a minute—plus fourteen more.”

“Why did she want to see me for 15 minutes? I guess because half an hour was twice too long to say I love you. She also used 1,000 times the amount of words that were needed.”

“As early as 1,000 BC, man had to wait nearly 3,000 years to talk to me. And my first words to the world right out of the womb were: “Love is timeless, but man is not. I think I’m early.” It’s true. I was a premature baby. I was born generations before my time.”

“I make love like a half an hour minus 27 minutes. If you’re as bad in bed as I am in math, that’s roughly four minutes. And I do mean rough.”

“If a clock represented a pie chart, then I just ate a slice of apple pie so large it represents 33 minutes. That means I’m three minutes late for dinner!”

“Five minutes ago it was five minutes late, and my watch is five minutes slow.”

“If I promise you I'll show up fifteen minutes late, I'll always arrive on time.”