“I’m angry as hell. I’m angry for all the people who should be angry but aren’t, either because they’re too stupid or too timid.”

“When people change, I’m disappointed they’re not who I remember them being. And when people don’t change, I’m disappointed they still are who they were. All people do is disappoint, and I do mean all people.”

“Kill all the prisoners, because they’re costing us too much money. Wait! No, kill all the politicians, because they’re spending too much money.”

“I live for the moment and love for eternity. I mean I’d like to, but I’m too impatient for either.”

“People who die in Detroit and then go to hell probably think they’re in heaven. I know, because I’ve been to Cleveland.
”

“Who wants to be the unsung heroes of my voiceless choir quartet? We’re the Helen Kellers, and I’m holding auditions with oven mitts, because they’re sure to be hot.”

“The only drink I like ice in is water, because you can’t water down water. I’m like that with love, too. Don’t you dare add any ice to the hot liquid loving I’m trying to pour all over you.”