“I'm asexual, though occasionally I'm attracted to inanimate objects. Mainly tube-shaped objects.”

“Design is body language for inanimate objects.”

“I object to that object that’s made of bronze and shaped like my clone. It should be made of gold, and shaped like me.”

“I make believe like asexuals make love—alone, with cardboard tubes.”

“I'm proud to be a Mick, even though I'm not Irish
 My middle name is Mickey, though. Actually, I’m lying.”

“Book: Ten Steps to Asexuality and Financial Freedom, by Lonely Path”

“I like to hike in state parks, but one thing I can’t stand is pants. So I don’t wear any. My wallet is tube shaped. Can you guess where I keep it?”