“I’m creative, I make up almost everything. But with all my creativity, I couldn’t make up with my wife.”

“I murdered all my staff. I’m terribly sorry. I thought they were someone else (my wife).”

“It’s amazing how my whole body can be covered up in bed except for one inch on my shoulders and I’ll be cold. But when I pull the blanket up all the way, all of one inch, miraculously I’m warm. One inch makes a difference, especially to a man with a two-inch penis.”

“My wife keeps me busy while she talks—I’m not listening, but rather making the air masturbation gesture.”

“My wife and I make love every night, sometimes even to each other.”

“I’m rich in poverty. I got no money coming out of my ass. I’m up to my neck in broke.”

“I called Phil up, but I didn’t call Phillip. He hung up on me, and I’m still hung up about that. To make things right I might just call Phillip and hang up.”