“I’m drinking your reply. Maybe isn’t too hot or cold, so I’m chugging it.”

“The only drink I like ice in is water, because you can’t water down water. I’m like that with love, too. Don’t you dare add any ice to the hot liquid loving I’m trying to pour all over you.”

“I didn’t chug the hairspray because I’m an alcoholic. I drank it to style my throat hairs.”

“Life isn’t so bad. I’m not fat (unless you’re Gandhi), I’m not short (unless you’re Goliath), and I’m not ugly (unless you’re James Dean).”

“I drink hot coffee in the summer, and iced coffee in the winter. I’m a contrarian, and contrary to popular belief I'm not a sellout. I rent.”

“I’m all out of beer like I’m all out of love. But I don’t drink beer, so who cares?”

“I’ll drink out of your bra, because I’m thirsty for your love.”