“I'm going to wear my birthday suit, even though it barely fits in the middle when I get excited and it stretches out.”

“I would answer the door for the pizza delivery guy wearing my birthday suit, but it had cake all over it so I sent it to be dry cleaned.”

“I'm proud to be a Mick, even though I'm not Irish
 My middle name is Mickey, though. Actually, I’m lying.”

“I’m going to Australia. But first I’ve got to put on my swimming suit and stretch.”

“How many birthdays can you fit in a shoebox? I guess that depends both on how old you are, and what size shoe you wear.”

“Ever since the day I came out of the womb, I’ve had impeccable timing. For example, I somehow managed to be born on the exact day of my birthday. And I wasn’t even trying, though my mother did push me along a bit.”

“Even though I know my own name (barely), I still sometimes write my name wrong. Usually it only happens when I write in cursive and am endorsing checks for money I can’t recall earning.”