“I’m in love with the customer service at Walmart. And by customer service I mean the customer is forced to self-checkout because there are two open lanes and 200 people trying to check out.”

“My armpits are not only rank, but they’re ranked number one in customer satisfaction. Try them for free or your money back.”

“I once made love to a taco shell stuffed with rancid meat and watery tomato bits. It was the best sex I’ve ever served to an unsuspecting customer.”

“Pulling your head out of your ass is better than pulling your head out of a lawyer’s ass. (Limit one coupon per customer).”

“Ninety minutes of pure naughty (limit 30 minutes per customer). *No clones or triplets allowed!”

“This book does not exist. And if that doesn’t deter you from buying it, then I’m also selling frozen alien flesh, a patch of Bigfoot’s fur, and a patch of land on Pluto (limit one per customer).
”

“Instead of a motorcycle, why not ride a custom-engineered unicorn? The unicorn could be genetically grown like corn.”