“I’m interested in women as a whole, not simply as three holes.”

“It’s a conflict of interest, because I’m not interested.”

“I’m like Twain, Nietzsche, and Dali in that I have three mustaches. (I have two of them disguised as eyebrows). Women love men like me, like my clones.”

“I’m a neat person (interesting), but I’m not a neat person (organized).”

“My job is so boring I’m thinking of boring a second hole into my penis.”

“God gave man two ears and one penis hole for a reason. I’m not sure what that reason is, but I’m sure it’s a good one.”

“I’m going to count to three, and if you’re not on number four by the time I’m done, I’m going to continue counting without you. Love waits for none.”