“I’m like Mary Annette, but I’m not a marionette. Who’s Mary Annette? The first woman of color to be elected to Phi Beta Kappa. What color was she? Wikipedia didn’t have a picture, so probably either blue or green—let’s just call it turquoise.”

“My hush is lush. It’s drunk on its own greenness, just as I’m drunk on my blue silence. What would you say if I asked you to turquoise?”

“If green is envy and blue is depression, then I’m feeling quite turquoise right now. But maybe with a little luck, I’ll feel teal a little later.”

“My eyes change color depending on my mood and what I’m wearing. If I’m wearing an acorn brown shirt, my eyes look like squirrel fur. And if I’m wearing no shirt at all, my eyes look more nude and flesh-colored. I guess my ex girlfriend, Zelda, said it best when her friend asked her what I look like and she said: “He looks like you’d imagine him to look like, if you had no imagination.”

“I’d love to be a color commentator, but I can’t, because I’m white, and white isn’t a color.”

“I like using scented markers. Especially when I’m trying to color the inside of my nostrils.”

“I like color commentators. Especially red, white, and blue color commentators. As an American I sometimes feel so patriotic I feel British.”