“I’m like Twain, Nietzsche, and Dali in that I have three mustaches. (I have two of them disguised as eyebrows). Women love men like me, like my clones.”

“People call me “Mustache,” because I have an eyebrow on my upper lip. When I close my lips it’s like a wink and a kiss combined. It’s like lust overload.”

“I have half a mustache. It was a gift from my father, who bought one with a Buy One Mustache, Get One Half Off deal. So he kept the full mustache, and gave me the half stache. It looks more like an eyebrow than a mustache.”

“I don’t just have one mustache, I have two. You can hardly notice them, though, because I wear them in place of my eyebrows, which I shaved off and donated to charity. I’m just a generous, kind-hearted guy, I guess.”

“If I were stranded on a desert island, and could have only one person and three things with me, I’d want Nietzsche, a pen, paper, and a stick-on mustache.”

“I’m in disguise. I’m disguised as myself, and I’m a master of disguise, so that’s why you couldn’t tell I was in disguise. Not even my clone could tell.”

“Right now I’m naked, like how my pizza comes out of the oven. I like my toppings like I like my women: topless. I love me some pepperoni.”