“-I’m looking for a man—
-There are several suspects in Topeka, Ks. that match that description. Why don’t you try there first?”

“If you’re looking for someone to stand in the unemployment line, I’m the man for the job. And if you’re looking for a man who will make love to you all night long, then I’m the man for the job. I will help you find that man.”

“On our first date, you should wear a maternity dress, because I’m going to try to impregnate you.”

“Who’d cum first, you or your clone? To find out, why don’t you go fuck yourself?”

“Dream dialogue: 
-Don’t cry. I, too, know what it’s like to be different.
-But I’m not different. I’m normal, I’m average, and that’s why I’m crying.”

“I’m a one-man show. I need to start a band. You wanna join? Too bad! What about one-man band don’t you understand?”

“I’m not a bicycle. Don’t try to ride me and leave me in the garage. I’m a treadmill. Walk on me and leave me in a guest room.”