“I’m not a bicycle. Don’t try to ride me and leave me in the garage. I’m a treadmill. Walk on me and leave me in a guest room.”

“I’m tired of calling @PapaJohns. I wish they’d call me for once. I’m starting to think they don’t love me.”

“I’m like a walking maze. Follow me.”

“Don’t make me weight, as I’m skinny on time.”

“I like being right more than I like keeping friends. Certainly this leaves me lonely, but at least I’m always certain.”

“People used to tell me that when I smile I really warm up the room. Well, the moment someone told me about global warming I frowned, and in that exact moment it started to snow. So, if you see me walking around with a furrow on my brow, you’ll know what I’m doing: I’m helping to save Mother Earth.”

“If you see me sitting at a dining room table with a clean plate and bowl in front of me, you’ll know it’s because I’m a starving artist. I’m also thirsty, as my cup is also empty.”