“I’m not a consumer, because consumers are consumed with shopping. No, I prefer shoplifting.”

“A brick could be renamed something clever and cute, like President, and repackaged and resold to a solid base of sheep consumers every four years. The sheeple will never even notice that every new model of brick is exactly like the last brick!
”

“I’m bilingual, speaking English and body language. I prefer the latter, because I can speak it silently and without listening and while my back is turned.”

“My wife loves window shopping. As for me, I’m more into curtains.”

“I don’t like salad dressing. I prefer salad undressing. I’m a health freak. And I do mean freak.”

“I am a juxtaposition. And at the same time, I’m not. I’m always like this because I’m not always like this because I’m always in love.”

“Because I’m emotionally immature, I’d prefer letting go of you early and always remembering you as you were, rather than hanging on and letting things develop and blossom and then eventually decay.”