“I’m not waiting until my hair turns white to become patient and wise. Nope, I’m dyeing my hair tonight.”

“I didn’t chug the hairspray because I’m an alcoholic. I drank it to style my throat hairs.”

“I want a white car that turns red when I’m embarrassed.”

“Turn the fan off when I’m talking. It not only makes my words colder, but it distorts and dilutes what I’m saying.”

“With my big 80s hair, my cut off jean shorts, and my roller skates, I’m going to look sexy on my way to work in the snow this winter. And I just got sled dogs, though I plan on pulling them without putting them on the sled first.”

“This world is nothing more than fresh white underwear, and I’m going to leave my mark on it.”

“I’m a powerful being. I caused the night to turn into day. And I didn’t even try! I simply waited. I’ll bet I could even do it in my sleep.”