“I'm really going to freak out if I don't get into Histrionics 101. And if I get in, I'll also freak out.”

“I don’t like salad dressing. I prefer salad undressing. I’m a health freak. And I do mean freak.”

“I'm going to wear my birthday suit, even though it barely fits in the middle when I get excited and it stretches out.”

“I honk at protestors to show my support, and also tell them to get the fuck out of my way.”

“I’m glad scrambled eggs don’t have lips, because when I’m grinning over a hearty breakfast, it would really freak me out to see my breakfast grinning back. I’ve eaten a man for less than that.”

“The book “Little Women,” what, is that about midgets? I freaking love midgets.”

“Sign I wrote on the inside of a brick wall: This is not an exit. This is a wall. Though if you get a long running start, and really throw your shoulder into it, I’m sure you could get out this way.”