“I’m sexually attracted to statues made out of decomposing food. Is it normal to be hungry during intercourse?”

“Normal is made up of two friends—Norm and Al. That’s twice the number of friends that I have, probably because I’m weirder than normal.”

“When I’m competing to be on the bottom during sex, I always come out on top.”

“I’m a magician. I can make food appear—and out of my penis, no less.”

“I’m a tiger made out of a paper towel, and I’m going to wipe you out.”

“I’m hungry for success. And lasagna.”

“When the food runs out, the family reunion is over. It’s cool that out of all my relatives, I’m the only cannibal.”