“I’m sleepin’ in your pee pee, and I’m dreaming of what could be.” That’s just the chorus of a little love song I recently wrote.”

“What I did I can’t undo. But I can address it, and undress you.” This is the chorus in a new song I’m writing called “Mannequin Love.”

“Dream dialogue: 
-Don’t cry. I, too, know what it’s like to be different.
-But I’m not different. I’m normal, I’m average, and that’s why I’m crying.”

“I’m only 33% patriotic, because I don’t bleed red, white, and blue. I only bleed red. But I pee white and my balls are blue, so doesn’t that count for something?”

“While I was there, the song reminded me of here. But now that I’m here, the song reminds me of there. But that’s neither here nor there.”

“I need your help. Hold this water balloon while I pee in it.”

“If love had two wings and rhymed with “mutter-lie,” could I be your caterpillar? All I’m asking for is a little time to mature.”